I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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