need another drink. this is the easiest way
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
