Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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