Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
