if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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