Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
where are my eyebrows?
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