I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
birth control should be required to get into college
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize