So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
