and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
