i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
