found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we're making bets on your personal life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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