Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
