Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
