you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
not ubering you a puppy
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
