Just fell off a train. Bad.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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