the condom got lost in my hair
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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