Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
