Can Purell be used as lube?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
