Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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