I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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