He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize