Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
