I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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