he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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