apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
