So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
