who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
