Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
