i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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