I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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