I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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