I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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