Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
