I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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