He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize