She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
