Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
