Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize