like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
