Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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