why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
