we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just high enough for therapy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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