After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize