He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
