I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
