i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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