just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
