I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
