the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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