It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she peed on how many people?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
