I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
