He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
