Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
