After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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