I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
