she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I want to make a zoo with you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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