headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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