I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you win again, gameday.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
