I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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