Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
