is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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