he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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