omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
