Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
