Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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