and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
